convenient excuses

Reason, season, lifetime....bullshit. Many years ago a friend shared a poem with me about those people who enter our lives for a while, a long while or forever. At the time, I smiled and cooed at the sentiment but I now realize the meaning of the lines are much deeper. Specifically, the reason/season parts - it seems anyone who is not willing to invest in a forever plus one day relationship are eventually going to find a convenient excuse to end it all. Friendships are hard, relationships are even harder and most difficult is family. I cried most of the evening last night because I let someone convince me I had done something wrong. Through my tears, I realized it's not me and since I have no control over anyone's feelings - I choose to hold my head high and remember the good times we had.... if only for a freakin season.

character flaw

Apparently a fatal flaw I have is the result of not having more than a handful of friends....as such, I've learned (the hard way) it's not my itention that matters it's perception of others that I'm just a bit more friendly than maybe I should be. In addition to this character trait is another flaw and also potentially fatal, REWARDING trust up front rather than making people earn it. Simply stated...being nice -is going to be the death of me.

For me, having grown up in an environment that meant a lot of frequent change, I developed a knack for making friends fast. Unfortuneatly, when I decide I like someone..I'm all in! I forget that it takes time to be sure you are not going to be misunderstood, mistaken or used. And more times than I care to admit in the past couple of months these two things slapped me in the face. Hard!

I find that if I am not careful, people read too much into my words and actions. Which honestly, just freakin kills me. If I cannot find comfort in being myself, I will be someone else and that makes me just like everyone else.

I refuse!

I am not going to water down my personality.
I am not going to defend my nature.
I am not going to require anyone to earn my trust. RESPECT, however is a whole other matter! And the folks who have slighted me and made horrid accusations will now need to prove their own maturity and I'll decide if they will be in my hallowed and rather small group of friends.

SPANK BANK

In the unlikely event you have not heard this term, let me take a few moments...It's a "wish" list - - - the kind you don't discuss with just anyone and the list you NEVER put anyone except celebrities for a number of reasons, most of which SHOULD be very obvious. Jeff and I had this confab recently with some friends and oddly enough something I hadn't previously given much thought so, in the sprit of sharing here goes : in no particular order and subject to change

tim mcgraw
josh (the guy from Las Vegas and more recently Transformers) I'd prefer not to spell the last name incorrectly
steven tyler
george clooney
matthew mc....omg
tom cruise (but only if he keeps his cakehole shut)
carey hart
the lead dudes from maroon 5 & nickleback

.......

Maturity = Tolerance

Without being more specific than I need to at this moment, I want to take a few minutes and talk about something very important. It's called being grown up. I have spent the greater part of many recent days trying to figure out why so many of the people I know and or love and or work with are not as mature as they should be. Why is it that very few folks are tolerant? I am not talking politics here, it's way more simpler than that. I don't care if you have a different opinion, I care if you are tolerant enough to respect that your view, your way of life, your otherwise "best practice" is not the same as anyone else's. It's really quite simple, if you don't like it, build a freakin bridge and get over it! Get over yourself. Get over your anger! Get over your preconceived, pre-determined, relative, subjective and highly annoying self centered opinion and move on or over. Just move. Open your mind and your heart to something other than yourself.

ok, I think that is enough for now.....maybe

way too long

It's been almost three months since my last post. Life is hard, there isn't enough time...scratch that, I haven't made time and it is getting to me. I need to tell a story. I need to share my feelings. I need to write. Even if no one listens and no one cares. Blogging makes me feel good and I have a few things to get off my mind. Be warned, the next few posts are PURE rants!

Hoppy Easter

It's Sunday, it's Easter and it's the last day of our visit to Tennessee. I am sad to leave but anxious to get home. Adam is feeling better and missin his dad. I just want to hold my husband and to be held. We have an early non-stop flight back to BUR and hope to be back in Valencia by 1pm PDT.

Sears, Bonanza, Hot Dogs, oh my!

Granny had decided we needed a group photo of the boys and it was assumed that Wal-Mart's portrait studio would be too busy, so we offed to Columbia Mall and the local Sears photo lab. Our boys sure are cute and likened much to Easter eggs in their pastel colored IZOD's. The sitting was quite funny to watch but as the day wore on, food was a must. You may be thinking that we watched a tv western at this point, but you would be wrong - Bonanza is a buffet steak house at the mall. Kids eat all they can for $1.99 and adults for $6.99....steak is a $1 extra. Ever wonder what a $1 steak tastes like, I still am. Later that evening Mama Drew called from the road in Mt.Pleasant after a none so pleasant dating experience. At this point we were all so tuckered we asked her to bring dinner. Yep - hot dogs. The good thing about 3 small boys and one papa - not one oscar mayer or bun left over to deal with the next day.

Only in the South

You can purchase pre-sweetened ice tea at most restaurants and Mickey D's has also added the beverage to their menu. One of the few things you can't get anywhere else is "swheat tae"... it's not for the faint of heart or the borderline diabetics. A good swig will surely induce an insulin coma. Be careful on a hot day, if the sweet tea is more than a couple hours old, it is likely spoiled.

Additionally, Sun Drop, my favorite cold drink, is much like a Mountain dew, better than a monster and best with a shot of crown royal.

Scientific Adventure

On Friday, no one was barfing so we drove to Nashville with the boys. Granny had promised them all an adventure to the science museum and after party at Chuck E Cheese. Tina and I bugged off to visit the mall for a while. With much luck, we did run into one of my sister's classmates. We chatted for about 30 minutes and then came back to 600 Blue Ridge. Later that evening I also ran into a friend and also made a new one.

Cousins arrive!

Late on Thursday, after Adam began to feel better, Tina and the boys arrived from PCB, with mamma Drew too. We all visited for a couple hours and began preparing the boys for bed time. Friday, we're off to the science museum in Nashville - Lord willin' and the creek don't rise...and noboby pukes!

Blue Card

Thursday was going to be the day of pampering for me and mom. She had taken the day off, we'd planned to have paws and claws groomed and painted and I had also arranged for a morning facial. All luxuries came to a screeching halt when Adam started throwing up. He had no symptoms the day before and but suddenly got ill. Knowing that we'll be flying home in a few days, I feared that his ears were infected. So we headed to the local urgent care. The poor child was so nauseated that even me touching him was making him sick. Later, he exlaimed - "stop touching me!".... After about 10 minutes of paperwork he was seen by the triage nurse and next in line for the RNP. I had left my ID card at home but could recall the 800 number I spew all day at work and easily obtained information about a local BlueCard provider who accepted our insurance. Ironic actually, I tell people every day how easy it is and yesterday I experienced the one luxury I had not planned on - access to quality health care with almost no effort on my part. Sure enough, there was fluid behind both ears, one very red the other well on its way. Dr. prescribed two meds and we headed back to 600 Blue Ridge. Once I get my wits about me, I'll write more about the experience of "helping" my son with his first suppository...not sure how long that will take, don't hold your breath.

Doogals

I had forgotten that southern men are fairly direct, but was surprised when I heard it.... "are ya sangle" ? Oddly enough, just a wave of the hand did the trick and I was back to my fun, catching up with a couple friends. Donna and her three kids were our neighbors in Franklin before we moved to Columbia. Tina and I often took turns babysitting and grew quite close to the Schmidt's. Several years later, they all live in Columbia too. It had been a couple, three years since I had connected in person with these friends, but last night I had the opportunity to visit with Donna and the girls, Angie (angela) and Michelle at Doogals, the friendly deli (bar) where Angela tends bar. Good times. Bad karaoke.

Breakfast with Dad. Lunch with Mom. Supper at Home.

Apparently here in the south, or just here at Mom's, most days are planned around meals. Our day began with breakfast at Buckeys. Daddy wanted to share some local flare (and look at the waitress) which includee a favorite known as eggs and brains. While I did not attempt to eat another's intelligence, I was able to cover the tab for less than 2 venti soy vanilla chai lattes. Morning food is cheap.

Later, after a few rounds of dodgeball, we met Mom for lunch. Dad opted for a nap as he is not so much interested in "high fahlootie" food. Square Market, a cafe of sorts offered mostly chick food. Adam was none to thrilled either but he ate his grilled cheese with Coke and a smile.

Me and Adam snuck away for a bit and played glow golf at Columbia Mall. This giant shopping mecca is anchored by JCPenny and Sears. Boy, those guys are making a ton of money. 27 holes in 15 minutes at $5 each......you do the math.

Home for dinner. Mom had slow cooked some ribs and by that I mean, she forgot to turn on the oven before she left for work. But the "butt rub" seemed to make enhance the flavor of the old dead meat.

Adam learned to play blackjack today. Good thing our flight home doesn't stop in Vegas.

Three watches and a warning

Guessing the toursim board likes to make sure all visitors experience at least one storm, so I am sure all around had been praying for rain just prior to our arrival here in Tennessee. Late last night, as we watched the tele we also watched the storm that was brewing head right for us. The lightning and thunder were amazing and the sideways rain, well that was just plain entertaining. One thought entered my mind with regards to parenting. Adam doesn't experience storms very often - do California parents have it a bit easier than our southwestern counterparts? Parents here in TN and OK, TX, LA, etc., for that matter have one more life lesson to teach their kids, right? I can't imagine trying those first few nights to get the child to asleep in their own room with a storm lingering. Is there anything more scary to a child? But then again, I can't imagine there are earthquake drills here in the bible belt.

Day two...

On Tuesday, Adam and I slept in and lounged around the house until papa came home from work. The three of us went and had lunch with granny, Adam's choice - KFC. For those unaware, my mother works for JRN, apparently one of the largest KFC franchise owners in these parts. At any rate, they do chicken right and the mashed potatoes aren't too bad either. Papa took granny back to work and Adam and I took her car. I tried to show Adam around town, where I went to school, uninterested he just wanted a slushie from Sonic. I did manage to get to the local HD and visit the Mule Town chapter of HOG, new shirts for mr and mrs g - yipee!

Spring Break, Day One

Adam and I arrived in Nashville at about 3pm local time on Monday where we were greeted by (my mother) Granny Letha. The drive home was uneventful but very green - I had forgotten how many empty fields and lush landscape exist. The town has grown so much in the past few years and more than I imagined is no more and/or replaced with retail shopping. I wonder where friends have gone and if I will see any of them this week. Adam has already begun to enjoy the great wide open (found a bit of poison ivy) and the dog behind the fence. We ventured to town and ate supper at the Cracker Barrel. If you've never heard of it you are likely on the other side of the Mississippi. Mom and Adam opted for the pancake breakfast, as for Dad, he chose meatloaf. I splurged for the sampler and regretted it no less than five minutes after the last bite. In case you are wondering : Meatloaf, Sugar Cured Ham, Chicken Dumplings with my choice of THREE sides - mac/cheese, carrots and yes, fried okra with biscuits to boot. We capped the evening with the stars dancing and a few hundred games of checkers and Uno. Adam gets his game face from Granny who just can't say no to "one more" game! I miss my husband.

HOG wild

Having not planned anything except a ride to Santa Barbara last Sunday we came home with a new Fat Boy that I picked out. The color is amazing and the ride is nothing short of sweet. Our new 2007 pearlized powder blue Harley is totally cool and we love the time that we've consciously devoted to spending together. I never thought I wanted this, but I can't imagine not being a biker chick!

back to blonde

Last weekend I decided I'd had enough of dark hair - I like me better blonde! Makes it easier to goof up and point to my head.

the passing of stones

Last week while out of town for business, I found myself in tremendous pain like I have never felt before. Being the conscious health care professional that I am, I called the advice nurse for, well -advice. She felt that clearly a trip to the ER was appropriate and that's where I stayed for about 9 hours. I had been in Bakersfield for a meeting and planned to deliver valentine treats to a client and the kids. Later, my client told me that I had not been myself that day and I do recall asking very stupid questions. At any rate, mr G drove over from Lancaster, relieved Auntie from bedside duty and sat beside me until the attending doctor exclaimed "we can't find anything wrong with you".....r u freakin kidding me? - what a nightmare! The worst pain since birthing a child and no diagnosis, no wonder our health care system is in such tourmoil. (i know better, but for now- its the line I'm using) Two days later, when my doctor could see me, she concluded I had already passed the kidney stone by the time I was treated in the ER. Go figure.

Happy 20th Jacqui!

Twenty years ago today, my red-headed step daughter was born with a destiny full of greatness. Once a tiny ball of fire now a lovely and beautiful woman, Jacqui is by all accounts the most awesome young lady you'll ever hope to know. I miss seeing her everyday and trust she is doing well. She's a big sister to 3 other siblings and has a heart of gold. I love you Miss JT! Have a blessed birthday!

he still gets under my skin

Now I know how angry one must be to spit. I can't even begin to explain my lividity at this moment. And worse, I am more angry with myself for not letting it go. I'm just pissed and I want to spit. But, alas....I am a lady and I shall be pissy a while and have a glass of wine...like all the crazy people do.

the artist also known as Eric

After much careful thought and consideration planning my 2nd tattoo I was surprised today to meet Eric. Since I already had an idea in my head about the design of my uniqueness, I had no intentions of searching through a book to find what I was about to have colored on my ankle. Eric patiently listened to my description and began to sketch what he thought I had said. I was simply amazed at the beauty (even with no color yet) of the picture he was drawing. Two hours and a roll of paper towels later a beautiful symbol of my passion for music emerged. I am thrilled with my new ink!

PS - the tattoo technique also known as blood-lining, well..... that REALLY hurts, but it's the good kind of pain.

How the other half lives

As of today, I am no longer a blonde. It wasn't my goal when I set out this morning but it is how I have spent the majority of my Saturday. Apparently, I'll soon learn if it's true what they say about blondes and I will be sure to let you know.

Baked Clams vs. Baked Alaska

This evening, thanks to my friend, Michelle, I finally tried baked clams. They were really good, but more importantly I had a great time do chatting with one of my favorite gal pals. We've only recently become close but I already admire her for all she has done and also for what she is currently going thru. She doesn't completely realize how brave she has been over the last six months since making the decision to divorce. But as I learned during the same experience a few years ago, she will reflect on this time in the future and give herself a big pat on the back for becoming selfish if only for a moment to acknowledge that she is worthy of happiness.

I do think that at the end of the day, my preference is Baked Alaska-but as my new year's resolution is to loose a few pounds, I'll limit the baked goods to (low-cal) clams, at least for now, until Alaska is back in season! :)